My Fair Audrey
by velmavontussle
Summary: Everyone thinks Audrey Serena Bass has it all: the latest Jimmy Choos, billions of dollars and the perfect boyfriend. They're so wrong. BxC, LxR, DxS, JxN
1. Chapter 1

Audrey Serena Bass crossed the street; her thin arm linked through her best friend's, Lola Michelle Humphrey. She wore red Falke tights, carefully paired with a navy blue Philip Lim skirt and a white silk Prada blouse. The outfit was simple, but she'd spent hours standing in front of her closet, trying to decide between her black Moschino flats and her navy blue Balenciaga heels (Balenciaga won, of course. They were just the right amount of crazy for this particular outfit.) and trying to rearrange her father's tie (stolen from his closet three months ago.) She then sat in front of her mirror, fastening her diamond Cartier bracelet and inserting her 2-carat earrings (which she ten removed after replaying Coco Chanel's golden rule in her head.)

'You do realize that your outfit doesn't fall anywhere near school guidelines?' piped up Lola, interrupting Audrey's thoughts.

'Those don't apply to Waldorf's.' scoffed Lola, rolling her brown eyes. 'My mother got away with ruffled Nanette Lepore blouses and light brown Marc Jacobs skirts.'

'You're so conceited Aud.' Giggled Lola, threading a hand through her long brown locks.

'I am not.' Laughed Audrey, thwacking Lola lightly on the arm. 'I just have to look my best for Carlisle.'

'Are you still with him?' asked Lola, adjusting her Diane von Furstenberg skirt.

'Not funny Lola. You know that Charlie and I have been together since first grade. We'll be together forever.' Sighed Audrey dreamily, thinking of her perfect boyfriend.

'You are so Blair Waldorf's daughter. I mean, you're dating the exact replica of Nate Archibald –'

'How do you know so much about my mother?' interrupted Audrey as they approached Constance.

'Second grade. You showed up to school with a white headband placed on your head and my mother gave me a training session on how to be best friends with a mini Blair Waldorf. 'Audrey couldn't help but laugh: Waldorf women were high maintenance. 'But as I was saying, you're with Nate Archibald, but soon you'll be sleeping with –' Audrey audibly gasped as Cole Alexander Humphrey approached them, leaving his twin sister to go into the school on her own.

'Good morning Audrey.' He practically sneered, giving the brunette a tediously slow onceover.

'Chuck Bass.' Whispered Lola, fighting the urge to laugh as Audrey's eyes widened.

'Humphrey.' She glared before walking up the steps and dragging Lola with her, who only managed to squeak out a 'Hi Cole.' 'I will never end up with your womanizing uncle.' Insisted Audrey, a blush creeping up on her cheeks.

'A, he's only one year older than us. He's like … a cousin that my grandmother gave birth to.'

'I will never understand your family.' Sighed Audrey, desperate to change the subject. 'It's all so incestuous.'

'My parents don't share DNA, so it's not incest. Look, there's Lila.' Delilah Alice Humphrey, Cole's twin sister who was born four minutes after her perverted brother. Lily and Rufus' youngest, Lola's aunt and the sweetest person that Audrey had ever met. It still shocked her that she was related to Cole.

'We should say hi.' Exclaimed Audrey, running towards the slightly older blonde.

'Hey Audrey. Eager to see me?' smiled Delilah, pulling off her lace Chanel coat.

'Try eager to get away from your brother.' Grimaced Audrey, waiting for Lola to catch up.

'He's not that bad. Plus, Lily Humphrey has six kids and one of them was bound to act like Grandma.' Audrey nodded in understanding; CeCe Rhodes was quite the bitch. 'Are you guys coming to the van der Humphrey Thanksgiving dinner?' Lola nodded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was.

'Of course.' Smiled Audrey, adjusting her red patent leather Miu Miu headband. 'My mother's trying to bake a pumpkin pie as we speak. Is Willow coming?' Willow Jane Humphrey, Lily and Rufus' first child (well … that wasn't given up for adoption and then hidden from the father for nineteen years) and former queen of the Upper East Side. She finished high school two years ago and rightfully passed on the queendom to Audrey. Lola or Delilah could have had it but neither party was interested, and after all, her mother was Blair Waldorf.

'Duh. She's coming over from Brown. She spent two hours squealing to mom about how Laura Linney went there too. She saw 'The Squid and the Whale' like, nine times.' Explained Delilah just as the bell rang, ending their conversation. 'Lunch on the steps?'

'Def –' began Lola before being interrupted by Audrey.

'We'll be a little late though. There's a hearing on whether or not Nelly Yuki's daughter should be allowed to join our group.' Delilah rolled her eyes, already starting to move towards her next class.

'God, I'm glad I'm not one of the Girls of the Steps.' And then she ran off, her Dior Extreme heels clicking against the floor.

'As I was saying before: Cole and I will **never** happen.' Stated Audrey, urging Lola to believe her.

'Yeah right. You're your mother's daughter. And you'll end up with the wrong person, who's right for you.'

'I will not end up with someone who's remotely like my father.'

'A.' gasped Lola, shocked. 'You're such a daddy's girl.'

'But I'm more loyal towards my mother. And they've been fighting so much lately. Don't you see? Carlisle's my key to happiness.'

'A, I had no idea –'

'Of course you didn't. Your parents made it through being stepsiblings. Nothing will ever tear them apart.' Audrey walked more furiously towards her classroom, trying to push all thoughts of her precious mother and father fighting from her mind. 'We're here. Class is quiet time Lola.' And then she opened the door, walking over to Carlisle and kissing him on the cheek. Lola tried to ignore the lack of passion between them.

***

Thanksgiving had become a yearly tradition after Dan and Serena got married. Lily hosted the event; since Rufus was the only person they knew who could cook. It was a gathered assortment of Humphreys, van der Woodsens, Archibalds, Roses, Waldorfs and Basses. The event began at seven, but Blair, Chuck and their three children always arrived at 7:30 because Evelyn couldn't find her shoes or because Tristan was back late from soccer practice or because no one knew where Audrey was. But usually, it was because chuck was working. Lily smiled at them as she opened the door, looking flawless in a vintage Yves Saint Laurent dress paired with Christian Louboutoin heels and an Alexander McQueen clutch. Blair wore a purple Hugo Boss skirt with a Louis Vuitton shirt, Audrey wore Jean Paul Gautier and Evelyn wore Rodarte's latest creation. This was the place where designers came to die. Everyone was already inside, the people Audrey had known since she'd been born. Manhattan's most beautiful people. The van der Humphreys with their blonde hair and too thin frames, the Archibald Humphreys with their perfectly cut bangs and piercing eyes and the Waldorf Basses with their dark locks and fair skin. It was impossible to decide who was the most beautiful, and Audrey felt oddly comforted by the fact that she was one of them. She immediately ran to Lola, looking perfectly Bohemian chic in the new Marc Jacobs.

'Hey. Where's Carlisle?'

'Familial obligation. He's just so dedicated to them.' Sighed Lola, proud of her boyfriend for knowing how to prioritize.

'As am I.' whispered Cole, causing Audrey to jump and land awkwardly due to her Manolo Blahnik heels.

'Humphrey. Where did you come from?' she hissed, turning to face him.

'My mother's –'

'Stop!' she yelled, covering her ears. 'Why do you have to be like that?'

'I'm Cole Humphrey. Your father taught me that.' He smirked, waiting for her reaction.

'Well, I'll have to punish him later. Why are you here? Don't you have a hooker waiting for you on some street corner?'

'Today is Thanksgiving. I spend that day with my parents.' Cole was a creep, but he was oddly dedicated to his mother and father, who'd only ever shown him love and affection. It was the one thing that made him different from her father. 'It's a shame about Mr. Pompous not showing up. I missed the stench of his cologne.'

'You're such an ass.' She glared at him before turning on her heel, leaving to find a refreshment.

'You and my brother don't seem to get along.' Piped up Serena from behind Audrey.

'That's an understatement.' She muttered to her godmother, wearing a flowy Dolce & Gabanna with white Valentino heels.

'You know, I haven't seen anyone interact lie that since your parents.'

'We're not Chuck and Blair.' She answered immediately, not even pausing to think. 'I have Carlisle. And he has random girls.'

'Audrey.' Sighed Serena, stepping in front of her beautiful goddaughter. 'Your parents relationship is not a bad thing.' Audrey turned to look at Blair and Chuck, quietly arguing in a corner.

'How did they get here?' she asked, staring at them sadly.

'I don't know sweetie.' She could feel Serena's hand smoothing down her brown hair and felt slightly comforted … for now. 'But they're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. They're gonna make it.' Audrey nodded, fighting back tears.

'I hope so. I really hope so.'

***

Thanksgiving dinner was fabulous, as always. Rufus' cooking got better every year and there were always more things to be thankful for. The couples were all seated together at the far end of the table: Rufus' arm was thrown around Lily's shoulders and she was beaming as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Dan and Serena were laughing at some joke that Eric and his husband Ryan were telling, Nate and Jenny were feeding each other small pieces of turkey and the long lost van der Humphrey (Jeremiah – Andrew was his dead brother) was cuddling with his perfect redhead wife, Amie. But Audrey, seated between Lola and Willow, couldn't help but notice her parents smiling at each other and awkwardly holding hands next to Dan and Serena, and the sight gave her so much to be thankful for. But Lily obviously didn't want her happiness to last since she had seated her across form her son, who wouldn't stop staring at her. She tried to listen to Willow (wearing a white Versace gown with turquoise Jimmy Choos) talk about Brown or focus on Delilah (dressed impeccably in a floral John Galliano) moan about how nerve wracking the SATs were last summer, but all she could focus on was Cole's brown eyes gazing at her with fascination, curiosity and lust. Pig. She wanted to forget him, after all, so many things were happening: her brother's awkward flirtation with Rebecca Tyler Archibald, Hayden James Humphrey preying on her little sister and Aurora Blair Katharine Humphrey, looking bored and mildly drunk (at thirteen). But when she finally allowed herself to stare back at him, his brown eyes locking on hrs, she wondered if it was just fate for Waldorf women to succumb to the bad boys. 'No.' she thought angrily, pushing Cole away form her thoughts. 'You love Carlisle. Always have, always will.' She could practically hear Lola saying 'Yeah right.'


	2. Chapter 2

Audrey smiled as she left Evelyn's room, replaying the night events in her head. The amazing meal Rufus had cooked, Becca and Giselle modelling Jenny's Spring collection, Willow showing everyone pictures of the Brown campus, Amie bringing out the ultrasound of her third child and most importantly, her parents (grossly) showing some PDA.

'I'm so sorry Blair.' Audrey froze instantly. From the top of the staircase she could see them: Blair sobbing against the wall, standing a few feet away from Chuck and tears sliding down her father's cheeks. Her father who never cried. 'It only happened once.' No. Audrey's hand flew to her mouth to muffle her sobs. He cheated. Her father who she loved, the only man (besides Carlisle, she forced herself to think) she really trusted. Her hero, her daddy and he had cheated on her perfect mother. But he had Blair, how could he possibly want anything else? She looked at her mother, her figure hunched and tears staining her pale cheeks. But she was still so beautiful.

'How could you?' she whispered, sobbing hysterically against the wall. 'After I stayed home, waiting patiently for you every single night. I stood by you through everything. It's like you're testing me! Waiting to see if I'll give up on you.'

'And will you?' Audrey heard her father's tearstained voice and wanted to throw her arms around him and pull him close, despite what he had done to Blair.

'I don't know.' Audrey wanted to die. She quietly ran to her room, silently wailing as soon as she collapsed on her bed. She had to get out of here, to talk to someone, anything. She pulled out her Armani cell phone and pressed 1, hoping that Lola would pick up. She didn't, and Audrey began to cry harder. She knew that she should want to call Carlisle, she knew that. But she didn't want someone to kiss her forehead and tell her that it would be ok. She wanted someone to tell her the truth. Which is why she called Cole.

'Audrey, you were hysterical on the phone.' The worry was evident in his voice as he opened the door to the hotel room. She would have forced herself to be repulsed if she weren't so upset. 'Geeze Audrey, your face is all red.'

'I know.' She sniffed, not particularly bothered about her appearance for the first time in her life. 'Can I come in?'

'Yeah, sorry about this, but my parents were sleeping and it's pretty easy to sneak out.'

'It's fine Humphrey.' She mumbled, walking into the small wonderful room.

'Audrey, what's wrong?' she immediately burst into tears again, falling into the large bed.

'My parents. He cheated on her.' When she said it out loud, it suddenly felt so real. Too real. 'And she was so upset.

'That's understandable.' She knew that he wouldn't be surprised, no one would. They all assumed that he'd been cheating on her for ages. But that didn't mean that he wasn't sad.

'What's it like?' she asked, staring up at him with wide eyes, more tears threatening to spill over. 'Never having to worry about your parents splitting up. What's it like to not dream about your dad moving out, or hearing their screams in the middle of the night? What's it like knowing that your father will never want someone else?' She was crying so hard now that her waterproof Lancôme mascara was staining her normally rosy cheeks. He didn't know what to say to her, because she was right. After twenty years apart, nothing would break Lily and Rufus up. The two of them were nauseatingly in love, and it was incredibly relieving. But he couldn't tell her that so she just pulled her into his arms and let his shirt soak in her large tears.

'Cole, make me forget.' She whispered her sobs slowly subsiding. 'I know I look disgusting and I know that I'll regret this in the morning but I need to forget. I need you to make me forget.' She was practically begging, her face only millimetres away from his.

'Audrey.' He sighed, brushing his thumb against her swollen cheek. 'You could never look disgusting.' And then his lips met hers.

When she woke up he was gone, and she was naked. And all she could think was this wasn't supposed to be her morning after. She was supposed to be the one who was too ashamed to stay under the Egyptian sheets and she was. She was disgusted with herself. Las night she lost her precious virginity to Cole Alexander Humphrey. She had cheated on her perfect, handsome boyfriend with the scum of the earth. She instantly reached for her cell phone and called Lola, who thankfully picked up.

'Is your mom up yet?'

'Good morning to you too.' Yawned Lola, clearly just waking up.

'Answer the question Lola,'

'No. It's 7 am on Thanksgiving weekend. Why are you –'

'Good.' Interrupted Audrey, climbing out of the comfortable bed. 'As far as she knows, I spent the night. I'll be there in twenty minutes tops.'

'Audrey, what the hell is –'

'I'll explain when I see you. Bye.' Audrey snapped the phone shut, sighing with relief. It was all fine. Her parents weren't even looking for her! But Audrey's joy was instantly killed as she remembered the fight she had witnessed the previous night. The fight that lead to all of this. Well, at least Cole had succeeded in making her forget.

'Audrey, isn't that what you were wearing yesterday?' asked Lola once they were safely in her bedroom.

'Yes.' She answered, collapsing onto her best friend's bed. 'Lola, I did something so despicable, so horrifying that I should go to prison for it.'

'Audrey.' Groaned Lola, rolling her blue eyes. 'It can't have been that bad.'

'I slept with Cole.' Lola's eyes instantly widened and her hand flew up to her mouth in shock.

'You did not.' She squeaked out, truly scandalised.

'Why are you enjoying this? I'm a horrible person. I cheated on my boyfriend whom I love and for what? So I could give my virtue to Cole Humphrey? I should go to hell for my sins.'

'Normally I would call you a drama queen, but you're totally right. A, how could you?' Lola knew she wasn't helping her best friend at all, but she was too shocked to even contemplate comforting her. This was Audrey Serena Bass, the most beautiful, elegant, responsible girl on the Upper East Side who always kept her kneecaps glued together. And she had just screwed her uncle.

'I was emotionally distraught: it's mental insanity. This would never hold up in court.'

'Why were you emotionally distraught?' Audrey told Lola everything, absolutely everything since she was five years old. There wasn't anything about Audrey that Lola didn't know, until now. This wasn't like the time she had kissed her Spanish teacher or accidentally gone into the men's room at Nobu. This was her parent's secret to keep. She couldn't tell anyone about what happened (Even though she had already told Cole).

'Carlisle and I had a fight.'

'So you ran into someone else's arms? I know I made jokes about you and Cole, but I never thought that you would do that to –'

'I know.' She mumbled, bowing her head in shame.

'I mean, I always thought he was a bit of a douche, but he certainly doesn't deserve –'

'I KNOW LOLA!' yelled Audrey, throwing her hands into the air. 'Don't you think that I feel bad enough? Don't you think that I hate myself right now?' Lola immediately backed off, taking a cautious step towards her best friend.

'You're right. I'm sorry A, I was just so surprised! Then again, you are your mother's daughter.'

Carlisle will never forgive me. He's Carlisle Preston, and I cheated on him with a Humphrey.'

'Hey, I'm a Humphrey.' Protested Lola, folding her arms over her covered chest.

'Yeah, but you're different. You don't live in Soho.'

'Audrey, I realize that you're having a crisis, but that's my grandparents, aunts and uncle that you're insulting.'

'Ugh. Relax Lola. You know that I love Lily, Rufus and their spawn with all my heart. I just can't believe that I did this.'

'Me neither. Are you sure that nothing else happened, besides your fight with Carlisle. This is just so unlike you.' Audrey looked up into Lola's warm, understanding; _concerned_ blue eyes and she knew that she just had to tell her the truth. Because she was Lola.

'I, um, I overheard something.'

'What sweetie?' Lola placed her hand over Audrey's, who felt instantly comforted.

'My parents. My dad, um, he cheated on her.' The truth was a small part of Audrey was eternally grateful towards Cole for giving her so many problems that she barely remembered what she had witnessed the previous night. All she could focus on was how bizarrely good his hands had felt running down her –That was enough of that.

'So you went to Cole in your darkest hour of desperation?' Audrey nodded her head, glad that Lola wasn't giving her a pity speech. 'That pig! He might as well have raped you. He totally took advantage.'

'No, he didn't. I wish that were the case. Lola, I begged him to make me forget, and he did. I wish I could blame this all on Cole and his perverted ways, but I can't. He did me a favour Lola, because this way I won't think about what happened. I can't think about what happened because I can't deal with it. I can deal with Evelyn's occasional bulimia and Tristan failing maths but I cannot deal with the possibility of my father moving out. I can't deal with only seeing him every other weekend. I just … can't.' Audrey's brown eyes blazed with determination, but they also filled with tears. Her shoulders were slightly hunched (and Audrey always had perfect posture. A decade of ballet lessons had seen to that) and she had been seen in the same outfit twice. She wasn't Audrey, she was broken Audrey and Lola had never seen her look so fragile.


End file.
